i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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