I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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