True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
