This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
