Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
