he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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