worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
