Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
