yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
