Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
