The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
