If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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