pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
