Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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