butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
