I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
