I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Alive.
So much puke
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
