well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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