You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
