i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
