you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he puts the penis in happiness.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
