i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
