just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
