What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
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I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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