remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
