I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
