i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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