I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
