well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
