she was so not down for the gang bang
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
