youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize