Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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