Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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