i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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