That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
