Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
