I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
