His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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