You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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