Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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