that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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