I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
