Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
