Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
