Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
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Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
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Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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