Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
