after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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