my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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