My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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