that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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