My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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