shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
