The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
