that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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