these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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