he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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