when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
