Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
