he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
