I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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