just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
