The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
