I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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