This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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