Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
