It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize