I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
