I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
