why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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