I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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