omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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