why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
