I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize