He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
