I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
