my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
this is an emotional support booty call
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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