dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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