I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
