I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
