I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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