New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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