i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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