i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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