I need to stop coming to work sober
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
